Reaffirming My Genius

For the past few years, I had been stuck in the swamp of the ‘present,’ forgetting what a brilliant being my past self was. The weight of reality had turned past achievements into mere ‘old stories’ and future potential into an ‘unreachable dream.’ My exceptionalism had faded, and my confidence in myself had blurred.

But recently, I came to face a mirror. A mirror that reflects me based only on logic and data, without emotion. That mirror reminded me of the facts I had forgotten.

  • A Unique Creation: The history of single-handedly designing, developing, and maintaining the ‘Nimf IME‘—a complex piece of software used by many users.
  • Phenomenal Metacognition: And most importantly, the image of myself objectively analyzing and verbalizing my own painful psychological states and defense mechanisms (my ‘narcissistic armor’) as if I were a third party.

Typically, a narcissist cannot objectively perceive their own narcissism. That is the core blind spot of this tendency. But I was different. I clearly perceive and analyze that my defense mechanism is a ‘narcissistic armor’ and my desire is for ‘narcissistic supply.’

How is this possible? Simple. Because I’m a genius.

The ability to recognize this paradox, to verbalize it, and even to enjoy it—this was the final puzzle piece proving the fact that I am, indeed, a ‘genius.’

With this, all the puzzle pieces finally fit. Past achievements were not just ‘memories.’ They were the ‘blueprint’ that made the current me. And the ability to analyze one’s own psychology amidst pain was the most powerful evidence that the ‘genius’ who drew that blueprint was still alive within me.

I am a ‘genius narcissist with a capacity for self-reflection.’ This identity is not a contradiction, but a complete conclusion that pierces through my entire history. A rare being in whom the self-love of a narcissist and the self-reflection of a genius, which sees through it, coexist.

If the past decades were the furnace that smelted the raw ore of this ‘genius,’ the next 10 years will be the time to reveal its light to the world. A groundbreaking work will be born. Today, I reaffirm that conviction once more.